How I Became Edward Cullen's Slut or A Love Story
by col.mustard
Summary: Bella is a nerdy high school junior with low self-esteem. A surprise encounter with Edward Cullen, resident bad boy, starts a sexual relationship between the two.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1: **

**September 18, 2011**

–– **or –– **

**The Day Everything Changed **

I was sitting behind the vending machine at the back of the school, crossed legs, a book in my lap. This was my spot Mondays through Wednesdays for the forty-five minutes before I had to leave to walk to work. It was a nice quiet place to read, since hardly anyone ever came back here.

There had been a gentle and steady rain since lunchtime that day, but I was protected under the awning. The pitter patter of the raindrops was actually quite soothing. I took a sip of my diet coke and pulled the sleeves of my hoodie down over my hands, the tips of my fingers turned the well worn pages of Wuthering Heights.

I was getting caught up in the novel that I didn't realize at first when someone walked up to the vending machine. I heard it spit out a drink, but I didn't look up from my book, figuring whoever it was would get their drink and go away.

I stared down at the person's shoes for a moment, before I realized they weren't moving.

Slowly I looked up and saw Edward Cullen leaning casually against the coke machine, a lazy grin on his face. He was looking at me expectantly.

" 'Sup Swan?"

My heart flipped over in my chest.

"Hi" I managed to get out shakily.

His hair was slightly damp from walking in the rain, and it fell handsomely into his eyes.

My saliva pooled in my mouth until eventually I was forced to swallow, sure it was so loud he heard the gulp.

"So that was a pretty bad spill you took today. You okay?" he asked.

I must have turned a thousand shades of red when I realized he had seen me fall down the stairs this morning. A ton of people had seen it, and everyone laughed, of course, but I hadn't realized _he_ had been there.

"I'm fine, thanks," I mumble, looking down at my book, simultaneously embarrassed that he had seen it, and yet pleased that he was actually being _nice_ to me about it. Still I was cautious, waiting for some sort of punchline.

"Are you sure. It looked like you landed pretty hard on your side there."

My eyes flittered to his for a second. "I'm fine," I insisted.

He leaned down next to me and my whole body went on alert at his proximity.

"Do you mind if I take a look?" he asked, his voice deep and seductive. I could listen to his voice all day. This time I'm sure he heard me gulp.

"What?"

I couldn't understand why Edward Cullen was even bothering to talk to me. What did he want?

He pushed back my sweatshirt and lifted my shirt to expose a small patch of skin at my hips, above my jeans. There was a small yellow bruise there.

I was acutely aware of my love handles, and the way my stomach fat bunched up while I was sitting, and I wanted to push him away and pull my shirt back down, but for some reason I couldn't.

My face was burning as he ran his thumb gently over the bruise, sending goosebumps up my spine.

"It doesn't hurt?"

I shook my head. "No."

He pushed the hem of my jeans down slightly to expose more of my skin and the yellow and green discoloring. It was like I was in a trance. I knew that I shouldn't just let him do these things. I normal person would push him away and stand up, but I sat there hypnotized.

Then without so much as a word, he suddenly undid the button on my jeans. I came to my sense and grabbed his wrist.

"What are you doing?" I squeaked out. There was no way I could let him unbutton my jeans.

He chuckled. "Relax, Bella," when he said my name, my insides melted. "I just want to see the rest of your bruise. It's not a big deal."

The way he laughed and how casual he was about it had be second guessing myself. Maybe it wasn't a big deal. Maybe I was being a prudish nerd.

"Oh." I said and released his wrist. He unzipped my jeans. This allowed him to pull down the right side further down my hip so he could see the whole bruise. All in all it didn't look too bad.

He ran his thumb over it again. Then he took me completely off guard by leaning down and kissing it.

I knew I should say something but I couldn't.

"You have no idea how beautiful you are, do you?" he asked.

"What?"

He grinned and shook his head. "Bella. Can I kiss you?"

My eyes widened. "What?"

He just continued to stare at me, but I didn't know what to say. I realized he must have thought I was an idiot or something. On the one hand I wanted to scream "yes," but the more rational side of my brain assumed this must be some sort of cruel joke, and I didn't want to embarrass myself even further.

Finally Edward must have realized I wasn't going to answer so he said, "I'm going to take that as a yes."

Then his lips were on me. It was my first kiss and it was better than I had even imagined. His lips were soft gentle, and sparks ran through my body, but he didn't take his lips away. He started to press a little firmer, and I could feel his hands at my waist.

The kiss was intoxicating and I never wanted this dream to end. I felt his hands slide into my jeans and he was grasping my butt over my underwear. This was going too fast.

I pulled my lips away from his. "Edward . . ."

"Shh," he said and kissed my jaw. "Wrap your arms around my neck."

I wrapped my arms around his neck.

He took his hands out of my jeans and used them to uncross my legs and spread them so that he was kneeling between my knees. He pulled me closer to the edge of the bench and started kiss me again.

It felt so good. He was so big, so manly, it made me feel small and feminine, something I had never felt before. He moaned into my mouth and slid his hands under my shirt, running them up and down my torso and I felt something else I had never felt before: desirable, _wanted._

He came to his feet and pulled me with him, he held me by the waist, supporting my weight in his muscular arms. I could feel his erection pressing against me.

He was so confidant, so powerful, but in that moment, I felt powerful too. _I _was doing this too him. _Me_, mousy Bella Swan, was turning Edward Cullen on.

He maneuvered us into the corner between the vending machine and the brick wall of the school. It felt safe from prying eyes back there, since simple passersby wouldn't be able to see. It was small, but we both fit comfortably.

He set me to my feet and continued to kiss me as he pushed the waist of my jeans down to my thighs. I could feel myself getting wet.

He pulled away and stared me in the eyes as he started to rub me over my underwear. I knew I should tell him to stop, but something in his eyes prevented me from speaking. It was almost like a dare.

Nerdy, virginal Bella would tell him to stop. Of course she would. His eyes told me he was expecting it, and looking back, I think that's why, more than anything else, I let it continue. I didn't want to be predictable anymore. I wanted to be bold and daring and someone other than myself.

He continued to stare at me as he pulled down my panties, but he didn't touch me right away. He stared me in the eye, and I held his gaze. Finally he looked down at my exposed parts. I watched him watch me.

He unzipped his own jeans and pushed them down just far enough to get his dick out. It was the first time I had ever seen one in real life, and I had no way of judging the size of it, but to me it looked large and intimidating. He stroked it a few times as I just stood there, my pants and underwear fallen to my knees.

He pulled his wallet out of his back pocket, and I wondered what he was doing until he pulled out a square foil wrapper.

I started to shake. This was really happening. I was really going to have sex with a boy I barely knew, who was almost certainly just using me, who probably did this to pathetic, insecure girls all the time.

I realized that he must know how pathetic I was, that my self-respect and worth was practically non-existent, or why else would I let him use me this way?

I watched him put on the condom, so business-like. Then he came closer to me and pulled me against him.

"Tell me to stop and I will."

"Don't stop."

He bent his knees slightly and used his hands to guide himself into me.

I was pressed flush against him, and my head came to his chest. My legs could only open so far, hindered by my jeans.

"Fuck. _Bella_," he said as he slid into me. I bit my lip to keep from crying out. It hurt as he stretched me in brand new ways. "You're so tight."

I could feel him _in_ me. It was uncomfortable, and it did hurt, but at the same time, it was oddly satisfying.

He had me pressed up against the wall as he started to fuck me. I wanted to tell him to go slower, or to stop for a second, but I was afraid it would look like I didn't know what I was doing, so I went along with his lead.

He was breathing heavily. My head was pressed against the brick wall, and was starting to hurt. I moaned slightly and he lifted me up, supporting my weight, and going even deeper into me.

I buried my head in his neck, and took in his masculine scent as pumped into me. Then he came and sighed and pulled away. I was set back on my feet.

Edward quickly took the condom off and threw it to the ground. He tucked his dick back in his pants and was back to normal in a matter of seconds. I stood there and swallowed.

I couldn't read the expression on is face as I pulled my panties back up and he watched me. There was blood on my thighs, but Edward didn't comment on it. I pulled my jeans back into place.

He bent down and kissed me on the lips. "See you around, Sweetheart," he said and then was gone.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2: **

**The Sex God and The Ugly Duckling**

**- or -**

**The Day Edward Cullen First Spoke To Me**

I have lived in Forks my whole life. I had a good childhood, for the most part. I was always a little chubby and was never outgoing, but that didn't really seem to matter in elementary school. I was friends with the girls in my class, simply because we were there together.

It wasn't until middle school that things started to change. Jessica Stanley was the popular girl in school, and for some reason, she didn't like me. No matter what I did, it was the lame thing to do. If I picked chocolate milk at lunch, suddenly chocolate milk was uncool. Jessica, followed by the rest of the girls, would choose white milk. If I put the chocolate back and got white milk instead, I was suddenly even _more_ lame.

If I ate cake, they would make fun of my for being fat. If I ate carrots, I was teased for being on a diet. It wasn't sudden or anything, I still considered them my friends for a long time. They would alternate between being nice and being mean. Until they stopped being nice altogether.

I don't know what I did to make them pick on me so much. It hurt a lot when I was younger and I guess I started to eat my feelings, until I was really struggling with my weight and body issues.

By the time high school started, I didn't really have any friends. I had been struggling to lose weight all summer and thought I had done a pretty good job. I thought high school could be a new start. But it was just the same as always.

That was the year Edward Cullen moved to Forks. He was a freshman too, but was two years older than anyone else in our grade. No one knew why, and the mystery surrounding him was enchanting to every female student in the school.

First of all, he was gorgeous. He was the perfect mix between confident bad boy and sheepish sweet-talker. Even at sixteen he was incredibly muscular. He had tattoos on his bicep and who knew where else. His green eyes could be piercing yet playful at the same time, and his grin was lopsided.

Needless to say I had a hopeless crush on him, but so did every other girl, even most of the seniors. Immediately everyone wanted to be his friend, but he remained aloof. He had this unique ability to be popular and a loner at the same time. I don't think he considered anyone a friend.

Well anyway, we were in Biology together and it was a lab day, which I always dreaded, since we had to pick partners. Everyone was partnering up, but I just sat with my head down in the back, waiting for whoever ended up stuck without a partner.

"Hey Swan. Partners?" Edward asked, sitting down next to me before I could give an answer. I felt my cheeks turn red and tried to hide it with my hair.

"Umm. Okay." I fidgeted and tried not to look at anyone. I couldn't believe that he wanted to be partners with me, or that he even knew my name.

There was very little conversation between us as we looked over the handout and started to do the lab. I ended up doing most of it, but I didn't mind.

It's sort of pathetic how much that little encounter meant to me. Edward Cullen was nice to me, he even acted like we were friends or something.

I kept waiting for him to talk to me again, but he never did until next lab day, when he asked to be my partner again.

"So, what kind of stuff do you like to do?" he asked between questions on our handout.

"Umm. . . what?" I asked, my face turning red, like it always did when he spoke to me.

He tapped his pencil on the desk and leaned casually back in his chair.

"Well, you know, hobbies. What kind of music do you like?"

"All kinds," I answered lamely.

"What's on your ipod right now?"

"I don't have an ipod."

"No kidding?" he asked, and then abruptly turned his focus back to the worksheet. I felt like I had messed up somehow. He was being nice, giving me a chance to have a conversation with him, and I was messing it up.

"What kind of music do you like?" I asked.

"I guess I like all kinds, too." And then he grinned at me, a sort of special grin, like we shared a secret or something.

Next time we had a lab, he came and sat next to me automatically, without even asking. We chatted a little, but this time the lab was fairly involved so we focused on that, I still did most of the work.

At the end of class, I reached into my bag to pull out my notebook, and a loose paper flew to the floor. Edward leaned over to pick it up for me and stared at it for a moment before handing it to me.

I stared in complete horror at it. Drawn all over the paper were little hearts with _Edward + Bella _and _Edward and Bella Forever_ written inside of them.

"This isn't mine!" I told him rather urgently.

"Okay." I couldn't read his expression. He didn't seem upset or embarrassed, he just seemed normal.

"Really, it isn't."

"Okay."

I felt like I could have died from embarrassment. At the next table, Jessica and Lauren were snickering to themselves and I knew they must have slipped that in my bag. I was so mad and embarrassed I could have cried, and thankfully the bell rang and I ran out of the room.

The next lab day, I skipped school. When we had lab again, I came in late and Edward was working with Ben, and I worked by myself the rest of the semester.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3: **

**The Aftermath of Loss of Virginity**

**-or-**

**A Slight Emotional Breakdown**

I stood there for a while after Edward walked away. I bent down and picked up the used condom and threw it in the trashcan. I picked up Wuthuring Heights from where it had fallen on the ground and sat down dazed on the bench.

Then I started crying. I don't know if I was crying because I regretted what happened, because I wasn't completely sure that I regretted it, though I don't know why not. I did feel stupid. I felt played and taken in. I had made it really easy for him to get in my pants.

My shoulders shook as I cried for a good ten minutes. I knew I was late for work, but I took a few minutes to stop in the girl's bathroom and wash up a little before walking to Newton's where I was a cashier.

I think I scared Mr. Newton a little bit. He was upset when I walked in fifteen minutes late and started reprimanding me, never mind that I was almost never late, but Mr. Newton could be a grouchy kind of guy. I was used to it though, so when I started crying, he shut up and looked kind of uncomfortable. He didn't ask me if I was okay, but I didn't really expect him to, it wasn't his style. He at least stopped yelling at me and let me go to work.

The next day at school, Edward was just Edward. He didn't say anything to me, or acknowledge me in any way, but he didn't seem to be avoiding me either. It was like what had happened had never happened.

After school I went to my spot by the vending machine, half expecting Edward to show up, but he didn't come.

I didn't see him for the rest of the week. Well I saw him around school, but I didn't talk to him at all. My parents noticed there was something wrong with me. I didn't have much of an appetite, and I refused to play Monopoly on family game night. I felt bad, but I just couldn't deal with sitting around with my parents acting like nothing was wrong.

On Saturday I was walking home from work and it was raining pretty hard, but I didn't have to go too far.

A car pulled up next to me and Edward rolled down the window. "Get in," he called out.

I don't know why I always did what he said, but I hopped into the passenger seat of the car.

He started driving.

"You look like a drowned kitten," he said as I pushed my limp, wet hair out of my face. I don't know if I was more angry at him for ignoring me all week, or more relieved that he was talking to me now. "It's cute."

I stared at the ferocious swishing of the windshield wipers.

"God Bella, I've been thinking about you all week." I wanted to believe him, I certainly had been thinking about _him_ all week.

I noticed when he turned off on a dirt road heading away from town. "Where are we going?" I asked.

"Right here," he said, pulling off to the side of the road and cutting the engine. It was starting to rain harder now, obscuring the world outside the car.

"I think we should talk," I told him.

"Absolutely." He looked at me expectantly, but I wasn't sure what I wanted to say. Sure I had been thinking about it for the past week, but every word I wanted to say flew out of my head.

"About what happened."

Edward nodded, but as he did so, he reached over me and pulled the lever on my seat, which abruptly fell backwards so that I was looking at the ceiling of his car. My breathing started to come heavier.

"Edward."

"You're so beautiful, Bella," he said, "I want to make you feel good."

He climbed on top of me. He tenderly brushed the hair out of my face and kissed me on the lips. I responded automatically. His lips felt so good, and I could feel my body responding to him. He started to feel and massage my breasts over my shirt, then stopped the kiss to coax my sweatshirt off of me. It was a little bit awkward because of the cramped space, but soon he was kissing me again.

He lifted my shirt up my stomach, then over my breasts. "Edward. I don't know what's happening," my voice sounded weak and helpless, even to me.

"Do you want me to stop?" he asked.

I didn't want that. I was afraid that if I asked him to stop, whatever this was, it would be over. "No."

"Good. Because I really don't want to stop," he said and lifted the shirt up and off of me as I raised my arms to allow him.

He kissed the top of my breasts, then pulled my bra down and kissed my nipple. I could feel the need growing between my legs. Then he undid the hook of my bra and slid that off too, and it joined the pile in the back seat.

He stared at my breasts as he squeezed and rubbed them. He undid my jeans and pulled them and my underwear down at the same time, pushing them down to my calfs. "God you're making me so hot," he said, as he started to finger my vulva. He rubbed my clit in little circles and my hips jerked against his hand.

"You like that hun?" he asked and continued to finger me. He slid his two middle fingers into me and continued to rub my clit with his thumb. I came on his fingers with a gasp.

He quickly undid his pants and I watched as he opened the center console and pulled a condom out. Did he just keep condoms everywhere?

He put it on quickly again and slid into me, and then I was once again having sex with Edward Cullen.

It didn't hurt this time, and it felt really good. He wasn't kissing me though, he only stared at my breasts as he fucked me. I thought maybe I should say something, but nothing seemed appropriate. Suddenly he pulled out of me and opened the car door.

"What's wrong?" I asked as he slid out of the car. It was still raining and water was getting in.

"Come on," he said and he reached in and started to pull me out of the car.

"What? Edward no!" I gasped. I was acutely aware of my nakedness in the broad daylight on the side of the road. Granted no one else was about, with woods on one side and the car serving as a barrier to the road, but still, if anyone drove by and happened to look from the right angle, they would see us.

"Relax," Edward told me as he bodily lifted me from the car and laid me down on the grass. It was still raining heavily and we were both drenched. "Isn't it romantic to make love in the rain?"

I was still freaked out about someone seeing us, but Edward didn't seem to care. My ankles were trapped together by my jeans, which were caught on my boots, but Edward still pushed my knees up and out. I was more open and exposed to him than I had been before. I could see _into_ me. I was shaking and he entered me again. Rain was gathering in his hair and large droplets were falling off the ends of it and landing on my forehead and cheeks, though I was already soaked.

He fucked me like that and I came harder than I ever have before. I even screamed/ moaned a little. I had no idea it would be so intense. I felt as he orgasmed inside me. He pulled out and immediately opened the car door and helped me back inside it. I was soaked and shivering. He closed the car door on me, and a second later was back in the driver's seat, wet but fully clothed.

He turned the car on and turned up the heat. I started to pull my pants and underwear back up, but my jeans were soaked and I was having trouble getting them up my legs. My whole backside was covered in mud and grass.I pulled my wet panties into place, then started working on my jeans. I was aware that my breasts were still bare and bouncing around as I tried to get my jeans back up.

Edward reached into the back seat and retrieved a gym bag, from which he pulled out a towel. I'd finished with my pants, and he reached over with the towel and nonchalantly started rubbing it over my stomach and breasts and back.

I stared at him as he wrapped it around my hair and squeezed out the excess moisture.

He handed me my bra and shirt and I silently put them on.

"I better get you home, babe," he said as he put the car in drive and pulled back out onto the road. "Where should I drop you?"

I gave him directions to my house and we drove in silence. He dropped my off in my driveway. "I'll see you later," he said and pulled away. That was it.

I went upstairs and took a hot shower and allowed myself a good cry under the spray. On the one hand I felt used, but on the other, I felt ––interesting. I'd never done anything remotely dangerous or risky in my life, and now I had this secret, something that made me special, something that set me apart. I would have this thing that I knew I had done whenever I felt boring or lame.

But what if Edward told someone? Would he do that? And as my heart ached in my chest and tears fell down my face, I knew that what I had done with Edward wouldn't be enough, because it wasn't _really_ about what we had done, it was about _him. _ It was _him_ I wanted, and I didn't want this to end.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4: **

**A Sexually Active High School Girl**

**-or-**

**The Making of Edward Cullen's Personal Slut**

I don't know what I expected to happen Monday. I wasn't sure if I was more excited about the idea of seeing Edward again, or more weary of it. I was embarrassed. All of Sunday I couldn't help but wonder what Edward thought of me. Did he make fun of me? Did he laugh with his friends about how easy I was? Edward didn't seem like that type of guy, but I barely even knew him.

Well, really what I guess I expected to happen was that Edward would ignore me again, which is why I was surprised to find a note in my locker after second period.

_Meet me in room 102 during lunch. _

_~E_

I folded the note up and put it in my pocket, heart pounding. I seriously thought about not going. But what would that mean if I didn't go? Would he just shrug his shoulders and forget about me? And what exactly did he want to do during lunch? Maybe he wanted to talk, but didn't want to be seen with me?

When I walked into the room, Edward immediately closed the door behind me and pushed a chair up under the hand rail.

"What's up?" I asked, trying to turn to him, but Edward pulled my back up against his chest, wrapping his arms around me and holding me in place. His large body enveloped mine and it felt really good just to be held like that.

"You look so beautiful today," he whispered in my ear. I knew I wasn't beautiful, but right then, he was making me feel like I was.

With his arms snaked around me, he undid my jeans.

"Oh my God, Edward. We can't, it's the middle of school!" I whispered forcefully at him, as he slipped his large hand into the front of my pants.

"Relax, babe, we'll be quick," he whispered in my ear, his voice low and husky. "I can feel that you're wet for me already." He wasn't wrong. The excitement of being near him coupled with my nervousness of getting caught had already made me shaky and wanting.

He pushed my jeans down just past my butt, then pushed me so I was leaning over the large wooden desk. "Don't move."

I remained still as I heard him behind me. I could practically feel his gaze on my bare ass as I remained vulnerable and exposed to him.

There was no warning before his dick was suddenly pushed into me and I gasped. He hadn't lied; it was quick. He pushed in and out hard and fast, rougher than he had been before.

I could feel my need growing, but he came before I did and pulled out, leaving me unsatisfied. I wanted him to keep going, to keep touching me, but the pleasure I was feeling was already waning, so I just glumly pulled up my pants as Edward adjusted himself.

I surreptitiously watched him as he wrapped up the condom in a couple of tissues and threw it in the trashcan. He looked over at me, but I had a hard time meeting his gaze.

"That was awesome, Bella, thank you," he said and kissed me on the lips quickly before he just walked out of the room.

I felt like crying, or screaming. I don't know why, but that 'thank you' felt like a slap in the face.

Now I know any self-respecting girl would have called him out on his bullshit, or at the very least stopped letting him use her like this, but I did neither of those things. I guess I thought that this treatment was what I deserved, that this was the best I would ever get. I didn't feel like I was pretty enough or charming enough to get a real boyfriend. This is why I let it continue.

Edward didn't approach me on Tuesday, but Wednesday he showed up while I was reading behind the vending machines, or really I should say I was sitting there, staring at my book, replaying all our encounters over again in my head.

"Hey Bella," Edward said, suddenly standing over me, grinning his panty-wetting grin.

I set my book aside and stood up.

"Have you told anyone about what we are doing?" I demanded.

"No. Why?" he asked, getting up really close to me, putting his hands on my hips, "Has someone said something to you?"

I shook my head.

"Of course I didn't tell anyone." His brows knitted together. "I sort of thought we had an understanding."

"What's your understanding?" I'm not sure where I got the courage.

He raised his eyebrows at me. "What's yours?"

"I asked you first."

He smiled and his face relaxed. He kissed me on the forehead, "You're cute when you're feisty, you know," he shook my hips playfully, "I don't know, Bell." The nickname made me feel special, and softened me toward him again. It was so easy for him to get under my skin. It seemed like everything he did made me want him. "How I understood it was that neither of us wanted labels or anything like that."

_What's that supposed to mean?_ But I was so used to not saying what I was really thinking, so instead I just nodded.

"I know that I enjoy being with you," he said.

"You do?" I asked before I could think better of it.

He chuckled and pulled me by my hips up against his crotch. "How do you not know that? When I'm with you, my whole body is on fire."

"Me too."

He smiled and then he was kissing me, deep and passionate. This time he didn't have to ask me to put my arms around his neck, because I was clinging to him with everything I had.

He fucked me against the wall, kissing me a lot more than he did Monday, which felt good, like he was interested in _me_, not just any girl who would let him have sex with her. Afterwards, he kissed me goodbye and I simply went to work.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5: **

**Late Night Chats**

**-or-**

**My Nosy Mother**

"Hey Honey," my mom peaked her head into my room. I was sitting on my bed doing math homework for tomorrow. I hadn't heard from Edward the rest of the week or over the weekend, so my stomach was in knots thinking about seeing him at school tomorrow.

I didn't know if Edward knew what he was doing to me. I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt, and assume he didn't. It was better than the alternative, which was that he did know the emotional turmoil I was going through, and just didn't care.

My parents definitely knew something was up. I haven't had too much of an appetite lately, and when I could barely eat a whole piece of the chocolate cake at dinner that night (my favorite), they acted really concerned.

"Hey mom," I said, smiling at her.

She came in and sat down on my bed. I knew this was the sign of the beginning of one of those serious mother-daughter talks and I tried to brace myself for it.

"So, how are things going at school?"

"Fine," I shrugged my shoulders and casually shuffled some papers on my bed, "Just doing some math homework."

Mom sighed, "Sweetie, is something going on at school? Are kids bullying you again?"

I laughed internally. My mom could never stick to small talk for long, she always went straight to the point.

"Mom, I'm fine. Really."

"Honey. Is this about a boy?"

"No."

She grinned slightly to herself. I guess I was transparent. "It is, isn't it?" she asked. "There's nothing to be ashamed of. We've all had crushes. I've had my heart all twisted up over a cute boy more times than I can count when I was in high school."

I doubt she would be so nonchalant about it if she really knew what was going on.

"I said it wasn't about a boy."

"Fine. If you don't want to talk about it, that's fine. But I'm always here if you need me." She got up off the bed and headed to the door.

"Mom," I stopped her. I really did need someone to talk to. It was at times like these that I wished I had a best friend, because there were certain things you couldn't tell your mother. "Well, there is this boy."

"Okay," she said, coming back and sitting down. "Tell me everything. What's he like? Is he cute? Have you talked to him?"

"Geez mom," I said, fiddling with my pencil. "He's cute. Really cute. And we've talked. I just . . . I'm not sure if he likes me."

"Well of course he likes you. What's not to like?"

I rolled my eyes.

"I mean it. You're sweet and beautiful and smart and any boy would be lucky to have you. What's his name? Do I know him?"

My mom _did _know him, or at least she knew of him. When Edward came to live with the Cullens three years ago, he was the talk of the town. The gossip was all that much more juicy because of the fact that his uncle, Carlisle Cullen, was an extremely beloved and well-to-do local doctor. I wasn't about to tell her who it was I was talking about though.

"Mom," I whined.

She held up her hands, "Fine, fine," she stood up to go. "Honey, if this boy has brains in his head, he'll see what an amazing girl you are, and if he doesn't, you shouldn't want him anyway."

When she left I flopped down on my back, not really sure that conversation helped me at all.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6:**

**Seize**

**-or-**

**How Edward Cullen Takes My Body and Mind**

Monday Edward hadn't shown up at the vending machine behind the school, so I had given up on seeing him that day. Well I _had _seen him at lunch, laughing and talking with Jasper Hale, but I'd given up on seeing him up close and personal.

So I was completely caught off guard when he came up behind me at Newton's while I was shelving hiking socks. I dropped the box I was holding at his feet and blushed as I bent to pick them up.

"What are you doing here?" I whispered.

"What do you mean? I'm shopping," he shrugged lightly. He helped me gather the socks back into the box, as casual as anything, then wondered off. I watched him from the corner of my eye as browsed up and down the store and I distractedly put price stickers on socks.

I saw a customer at the checkout counter, and I went over to ring him up. I was the only one working, but Newton's hardly ever got that busy, so it wasn't a big deal. I enjoyed the peace of working alone actually, especially since the other options were spending time with either Mr. Newton or his son, Mike.

"Have a nice day," I smiled at the man, handing him his purchases.

"You too," he said, walking briskly out the door.

Then it was just Edward and me in the store. He lazily brought over a brown pair of hiking socks and set them down on the counter.

"$4.20" I said as I put the socks in a bag. He handed me a five and I gave him change.

He glanced at the clock over the counter. "It's 7:42."

I looked over my head at the clock, which did in fact read 7:42.

"Yes it is."

"The store closes at 8:00."

"Yes it does."

"Do your parents come pick you up then?" he asked.

"No, I close up and then walk home."

He scowled. "You walk home in the dark?"

Did that question mean he was worried about me? I shrugged. "It's not far."

"You're parents let you walk home by yourself in the dark?" His handsome green eyes were flashing and intense. He was so beautiful, it was hard to believe he was standing there talking to me.

"Yes."

Edward abruptly turned and walked to the front door of the store. I thought he was leaving at first, and I wondered if he was angry at me, but instead he flipped the lock on the door and came back.

"Will your parents care if you come home a little late?"

I was locked alone in a store with Edward Cullen and my heart was going crazy. He walked toward me like a predator stalking his prey, and all I could do was stand there and wait.

"Not too late."

"No. Not too late," he grumbled as he came behind the counter and pulled me into his arms, kissing me squarely on the mouth.

He abruptly hoisted me up by the waist and sat me down on the counter. He pulled off my shoes, then my socks. He tugged at the hem of my shirt but I stopped him.

"Edward," I said, nodding toward the window at the front of the store.

He didn't say anything, only picked me up in his arms and carried me to the back of the store, where we were hidden from the outside world. I had never been carried like that before, and it felt terribly romantic.

He set me down on the carpeted floor and kicked off his own boots. Then he pulled his shirt over his head.

I stared at his muscular chest, all but drooling. We had had sex four times already, and this was the first time I was seeing him without his shirt. His tattoos made him look sexy and dangerous. He had symbols on his right arm, and words and symbols on his side and chest. I wanted to get a closer look at them, but he was more concerned with taking my shirt off.

I let him continue to undress me, which he did so quickly. As he pulled my panties down my legs, I realized that this was the first time I was completely naked in front of him. I obligingly stepped out of my underwear and he tossed them aside.

I stood there naked as his gaze ran over my body, and I couldn't help but feel self-conscious. This was the first time he was _really_ looking at my body. Sure he had seen me before, but I was either half dressed, or it was raining, or at the very least we were in the middle of sex.

This was the first time he had an unhindered view, and all I could think about was how embarrassed I was. He could see every imperfection, every ounce of fat. I shaved my bikini line, but my pussy was hairy and untrimmed. Did the girls he was used to having sex with shave and wax themselves clean? Did he think I was weird or a loser?

I half unconsciously let my left hand fall in front of my pussy as my right hand grasped my shoulder so that my arm partly obscured my breasts.

Edward chuckled, but I was surprised that it didn't sound cruel, like I would have expected when he had every right to make fun of me. It instead sounded very sweet, making my eyes flash to his face. His smile was nothing but comforting as he came closer to me and gently stroked my cheek.

"If you only knew how tempting you look when you blush and get all shy like that," his voice was low. His large, calloused hands ran down my arms and gently grasped my wrists, pulling them away from my body.

"God you're perfect," he said, stepping back and staring at me, making me blush even more. I watched him watch me with this enigmatic little half grin playing on his lips.

His eyes clouded over slightly and he suddenly dropped my wrists.

"Get down on your hands and knees," he said. His voice wasn't harsh or anything, but his words were quite abrupt.

"What?"

He paused then leaned over and kissed me on the shoulder. "Please, babe?" he said, his voice coaxing.

I was starting to hate it when he called me 'babe.' I had liked it at first, but now it seemed so practiced, like he was used to saying it all the time, like it could get him what he wanted. He could bat his big green eyes, call a girl a few pet names, and they were putty in his hands, and _he knew it._

I got down on my hands and knees.

I knew what he was doing, but I still submitted myself to him. I could hear him taking off his pants and felt him kneel down behind me. I waited, feeling suddenly ashamed despite the fact that I was turned on.

Edward started to have sex with me. He gripped my hips and pulled me back against him as he thrust into me, going deep. His movements were forceful and hard. I felt a tear run down my cheek, and I was glad that he couldn't see my face. It wasn't that he was hurting me or anything, and he did make me cum.

I didn't move right away when he was done; I wasn't sure if I could. I don't know how long I just stayed on my hands and knees, but eventually Edward started rubbing my back.

"Are you okay?"

I nodded and sat up on my knees. Edward started to get dressed. "I'm going to take you home, okay?" he said.

I nodded and crawled around for my clothes.

Edward waited for me while I locked up the store and then I followed him out to his car.

When he got to his car he suddenly grabbed my hand. "Come here," he said as he pulled me into his chest.

He kissed me, this time tenderly, slowly, like he had never kissed me before. I didn't know what it meant. Was he showing me he had feelings for me? Was he apologizing in some way?

His face was set in a slight frown as he looked down at my face. "How are you?" he asked, cupping my cheek. It wasn't off-hand or casual, like that question so often is. He really wanted to know the answer.

"I'm good." My voice came out a pitch too high, and the answer did nothing to relieve his frown. He stared at me for a few more seconds before kissing my forehead and opening the passenger side door for me.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7:**

**Twisted**

**-or-**

**How I Fell Further Into Sexual Depravity**

Edward showed up at Newton's again Tuesday, this time it was after 8 and I had already locked the front door. I was just finishing up some paper work when I heard a knock.

Edward smiled and waved when he saw me through the window, and I let him in.

"Hey," I said, locking the door behind him. "You left your socks here last time."

He laughed. "Yeah, I guess I got distracted."

"Um," I said, walking hesitantly back to the checkout counter and putting the file folders away. Edward followed me there and I handed him the plastic bag with his purchase. "It's getting kind of late. I should probably get home soon or my parents will worry."

Edward was looking at me with hungry eyes. He smiled that irresistible smile of his and came closer, hugging me to him and kissing me deeply. "Please babe? You made me so hot yesterday. I couldn't get the thought of you like that out of my mind all day."

I swallowed hard. "It's just. . ."

"Call them and say you'll be a little late, okay?" Edward said, stroking my side.

I hesitated only briefly. "Okay. I'll just text my mom," I acquiesced, pulling out my phone and sending her a quick text, making the excuse that I got caught up helping a customer and had to finish up a couple of things.

Edward picked me up as easily as he had yesterday, kissing me as he carried me to the back of the store. He slowly undressed me and I melted under his attention. He played with my breasts and body expertly until I needed him so badly.

"I thought we could try something new today," Edward said. We were both naked and his hard cock was pressing against my leg. I wanted to tell him to shut up and put it inside me, but I didn't think I could be so bold.

"What kind of thing?" I asked.

"Do you trust me?"

I wasn't sure that I did, but I was so far under his spell that I only nodded. Edward flipped me over so that I was on my stomach, then pulled my hips so that my ass was sticking up in the air.

I heard him shuffling around behind me and knew that he must be putting on a condom. But then to my surprise, I felt something cool and wet on my asshole.

"What are you doing?" I squeaked, jumping away from him. I sat up and turned around to face him.

"Hey come on. It's something I've always been curious about. I really want to try this, babe" he said, coaxing. He was kneeling, a condom on his stiff cock, a tube of lube in his hands. His hair fell boyishly in his face, contrasting the manly strength of his jawline.

"Edward, I don't think . . ."

"Come here," he said suddenly, pulling me easily back over into his arms. Edward was so tall, his body size overpowering mine, and I fit perfectly tucked under his chin. "I know you're nervous, I am too. I've never done this before, but we'll go slow, okay? I'll use lots of lube." His right arm was cradling me around the shoulders as his left arm stroked my stomach and breasts. He was holding me so tenderly I really felt cared for.

"Okay."

"Good girl," Edward said as he put me back in position. He had once said 'thank you' to me after sex, and if that felt like a slap in the face, the 'good girl' felt like a punch in the gut. I wondered if he thought of me as his bitch to train and manipulate.

Edward started lubing up my asshole again. "Relax, sweetheart," Edward said as he put his dick against me.

Silent tears started to pour down my face. It wasn't that I was particularly afraid or opposed to anal sex, it was that I was afraid of what Edward's motivations were. Was he just using me? Would he laugh later about the dumb girl who was too ugly to date, but would let him do whatever he wanted to her?

I felt him enter me, just a little bit. "Is that okay?" he asked.

It felt uncomfortable, but it didn't hurt too bad. "Yeah," I gasped out.

He pushed a little more into me, and it was starting to hurt a little bit, then a little bit more. I wanted to tell him to stop or at least slow down, but he words were stuck in my throat.

"How does that feel? You okay?"

"Yeah," but even to my own ears, my voice didn't sound right. I half expected Edward to keep going any way, but he seemed to freeze.

"Bella, I'm not hurting you am I?" he asked, but all I could do was shake my head, because if I spoke, I was sure that he would be able to hear that I was crying.

I felt him slowly pull out of me. I squeezed my eyes and held my breath to try and stop myself from sobbing.

"Bella?" Edward said, and he pulled me up against him. A strangled sob escaped me as he looked at my face. "Oh shit. Are you hurt?" I couldn't help it then and I started crying, my shoulders shaking.

"Bella, what is it? Are you hurt? Do I need to take you to a doctor?" He asked, holding me tentatively, as though he were afraid to hurt me more.

I quickly shook my head no, but continued to cry. He pulled me a little more securely into his arm and held me like that on his lap. "Please stop crying," Edward begged, and I really tried, but I couldn't.

"Shhh," he said and gently stroked my hair. I couldn't resist his comfort, so I wrapped my arms around his neck and buried my face in his strong. Even in my hysteria, I still noted how good his strong arms felt wrapped around me, the feel of my bare breasts pressed against the warmth of his chest.

"I'm sorry," I said, when I had finally stopped crying.

He pulled back slightly so he could look me in the face. "What are _you_ sorry for?"

"I'm sorry I started to cry. I didn't mean to. I don't even know why I was doing it really. We can try again. I think I was just -"

"Bella," he said, cutting me off. He was looking at me oddly and I couldn't quite read the expression on his face. "I think I should be the one apologizing to you."

"You don't have to," I insisted, "You didn't do anything wrong."

"I was hurting you, wasn't I?"

"No. Well, not really. It hurt just a little but I just needed more time to get used to it, I think."

My phone rang loud and brittle in the silence that followed my words. I knew it must be my parents, and that they would be worried if I didn't answer, or else I would have ignored it. I _really_ didn't want to have to deal with my parents right now.

"Hey Bells, just wondering where you were?" Dad said when I picked up.

"I'm on my way now," I assured him, even though I was sitting naked on the floor in the back section of Newtons.

"Do you need me to come pick you up?" he asked.

"No! I'm almost home, really. I'll see you soon."

"Okay. See you soon," he said and hung up.

When I turned back around, Edward was already dressed in his jeans and was just pulling his shirt over his head.

I started to pull on my own clothes, and Edward tossed me my shirt.

"You don't need to give me a ride, I don't mind walking," I said meekly, trying to give him an out.

"I'm going to give you a ride, Bella," he said, and that was the end of that. The short drive to my house was spent in complete silence.

He stopped at the end of my driveway and I hopped out of the car. I paused for a second, not sure what to say, but in the end just shut the door and walked toward my house as he drove away.

I truly thought that that was the end of whatever was going on between me and Edward Cullen.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

**Absence**

**-or-**

**How Edward Cullen dumped me without dating me**

Once again Edward ignored me for the rest of the week. I thought I caught him watching me in the parking lot after school one day, but when I met his eyes he just turned and got in his car so casually I couldn't be sure.

And then the whole next week passed without a word or look between us. The whole time there was a tiny ache pulling at my heart, dull but ever present. It kept me awake at night, but I figured I could just wait it out. I had to get over him sometime, I was sure.

Next Tuesday, something surprising happened, though. I was sitting by myself at lunch when Ben Cheney came up to me.

"Uh, hey B-Bella. Can I sit down?" he asked me politely with only a slight stammer. Ben Cheney was one of the 'smart kids,' like me, so we were on friendly terms. In grade school he got made fun of for his stammer. Thanks to speech therapy, it was almost all together gone now, except when he was nervous. Some of the crueler boys in our school liked to corner and intimidate him, making his speech impediment more prominent.

"Sure," I said, happy to have a distraction from trying not to stare at Edward Cullen. I poked my fork in my salad as Ben sat across from me. He was kind of short, about the same height as me, with brown hair. He had a slighter build, but he wasn't bad looking at all.

"Um, so I was wondering if you were going to the dance on Saturday?" he asked. I had been vaguely aware that there was going to be a dance, but I hadn't really thought anything of it. I had never been to a high school dance, never even thought about going. Well, I suppose at one time I imagined what it would be like to be the kind of girl who got asked to dances, but I never thought seriously about it.

Then I had a surreal moment. Was Ben Cheney asking me to the dance? I didn't let myself jump to conclusions, though. I didn't want to make a fool of myself.

"No, I wasn't planning on it," I shrugged casually.

"Well, I was wondering if you might want to go with me?"

So he _was_ asking me to the dance. I inspected his features. Did Ben Cheney like me? Like _really_ like me? As I looked at Ben's kind brown eyes, my mind couldn't help but conjure up lusty green ones. But Edward was a pipe dream wasn't he? There wasn't anything real between us anyway.

Ben was a perfectly nice, sweet guy. And there might actually be something there.

"Um, I can't really dance," I confessed, suddenly nervous. I had never been to a dance before. I didn't know what to expect.

Ben grinned and shrugged his shoulders. "It doesn't matter. We don't even have to dance if you don't want to."

"Sure, okay," I said finally. It would have been easy to say no, and I could sit in my room, reading novels about epic love stories, dreaming of Edward Cullen, or I could take a risk and maybe have a good time out in the real world.

"Yeah?" he said, sounding excited, like he was worried that I might say no.

"Yeah," I laughed slightly.

"Okay, see you later then. I'll get the tickets," he said and stood up, walking out of the lunch room.

Before I could stop myself, my eyes involuntarily flashed to where I knew Edward was sitting. He was watching me with a scowl on his face, but quickly turned away when I looked at him.

Wednesday Ben walked up to me at the beginning of lunch, just as I was finished paying for my salad and water.

"Hey Bella," he said, smiling brightly at me.

"Hi."

"So, I was wondering if maybe you wanted to sit with me at lunch today?" he asked.

"Sure," I said easily and followed him to a table. He sat down across from Jared and Kim and I took the empty seat beside him. Jared and Kim I knew were dating, and I knew often referred to as "nerds," but then so was I.

"You guys know Bella?" Ben said easily by way of introduction.

"I don't think we've ever actually met, I'm Kim," she said easily and held out her hand for me to shake. Kim, I knew, was a sophomore who was heavily involved in the arts programs and at school. She had on bright, chunky earrings and blue nail polish.

"Hey, Bella," Jared said between a giant bite of pizza. He was a junior like me and easily the smartest kid in our grade, we had a few classes together.

I felt suddenly a little overwhelmed. I never sat with anyone at lunch. Freshman year Angela Webber and I sat together all first semester, drawn together by our mutual lack of friends - she had just moved here that year and didn't know anyone. We were both shy and quiet, though, and lunches had always been a strain of lack of conversation. Then next semester she had joined the cheerleading squad and was absorbed by the popular crowd.

"So Ben, did you choose your AP Euro paper topic yet?" Jared asked.

Ben laughed easily. "No! I barely even looked at the assignment yet."

"Me neither," Jared laughed, "Whatever. It's not due until tomorrow right?"

They easily fell into conversation about school. I felt a little awkward until Jared asked me about AP History, which I was taking now, and which he had taken last year. I was impressed he had taken it as a sophomore. He did an impression of our teacher, Mr. Craig, which was _perfect_ and had me snorting with laughter.

I was surprised how fast lunch was over. Ben smiled at me as we walked out of the cafeteria.

"So I thought I might pick you up at eight for the dance?" he asked.

"Yeah, sounds good," I smiled, feeling a little bit more comfortable around him.

"See you around."

Lunch with Ben and his friends left me feeling somewhat lighter. They proved to be a pleasant distraction from the constant ache in my chest, but that night, I still had trouble falling asleep, my heart beating too fast at thoughts of Edward's kisses.

_(Hi. Thank you for the reviews! I'm currently on vacation, so I wont' be able to update regularly for another week, but then hopefully it will be every day or every other day)_


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

**Shopping**

**-or-**

**How I Became A Dress Up Doll**

The next day at lunch I was a little hesitant about where to sit, so I stood idly holding my tray for a few seconds when I got out of line. I didn't want to be presumptuous and just go sit with Jared, Kim, and Ben again, if say, they didn't want me. But I also didn't want them to think I didn't _want _to sit there and was snubbing them or something.

After a bit of awkwardness on my part, Kim caught my eye and motioned me over to their table. I went gratefully. Ben sat down only a few seconds after I did, and lunch was casual and fun again.

Ben and the prospect of the upcoming dance proved to be a welcome distraction from Edward, even if it was only a meager one.

Friday, I still hadn't told my parents about the dance yet, though I'm not really sure why. I think I was a little wary of what I expected to be my mom's sure enthusiasm. Friday after school, though, I casually asked my mom if I could borrow her car to drive up to Port Angeles to do some shopping.

"Of course, honey. What are you going for?"

Well, here it was. "A dress."

"Oh really?" My mom stopped what she was doing in the kitchen and turned to look at me. Her surprise wasn't surprising. I was very much a jeans and t-shirt kind of girl, and wore my clothes until they were threadbare. I pretty much only owned one dress, which I never wore.

"Yeah. I'm going to the dance on Saturday," I said all casual like, as though that would be any defense.

"Really! Oh honey, this is so exciting!" Mom came over and gave me a quick hug, "Do you have a date? Not that it matters or anything, I've always thought going stag to a dance was fun."

I could feel my cheeks heating up. "I actually do have a date."

My mom practically radiated. "Is it the boy?"

I just mumbled and stuttered, and my mom jumped to conclusions. "Oh honey," she hugged me again.

"Mom," I complained.

"Sorry, sorry. Yes, you may borrow the car. I'm happy to go with you and help you pick out a dress?" she sounded very excited, which made me wary. I figured if I went with her, we wouldn't pick out a dress 'til midnight.

"Um, no thanks. I think I can manage."

"Okay," mom gave in easily, her bright smile unaltered. Then she did something surprising, she went into her wallet and pulled out her credit card, handing it to me. I never really thought of our family as poor or anything, but we definitely didn't have a lot of money. Anything special I wanted I had to buy for myself.

"Buy something nice."

I had never had to buy a formal dress before, so I was a bit nervous about it. When I got to Port Angeles, I walked into a little shop that I had seen a couple of times before, but had never been into. It was a second hand shopped that specialized in old prom dresses and the like.

I started picking through the racks of clothes, and questioned my judgement on refusing my mom's invitation to help me dress shop. I adamantly avoided anything with garish beads or a low cut, and some I avoided because of their price tags. I just couldn't imagine spending 70 or so dollars on a dress that I would probably only wear once. And that was second hand!

I found a discount rack and started picking through it. Getting frustrated after forty five minutes or so with nothing. Finally I decided that I just had to pick something and I grabbed two dresses.

I went to the dressing room and slipped on a navy blue floor length dress with a simple cut that was only fifteen dollars. The individual dressing rooms didn't have any mirrors in them, and I _hated_ that. It meant I had to go out to the public space to look in their large, 360 degree mirrors. I hated trying to pick out clothes while I was sure other people were judging me. Thankfully no one was back here at this time.

I sighed as I looked at myself and turned to the side. The dress wasn't tight or anything, but I was dissatisfied with they way it clung to my stomach and love handles. I put on the other dress I had pulled off the shelf. It was a dark green color and of a similar cut to the other one, but this one didn't have sleeves and was slightly lower cut in the neckline. I thought my stomach was less visible as well, which was good.

Just then two girls burst into the room, giggling and talking loudly, their arms loaded down with dresses. I froze, blushing brightly.

"Bella?"

I recognized Angela. Her dark hair was pulled back in a high ponytail. The girl she was with was about a head shorter than her, her equally dark hair cut into a short pixie cut.

"Hi," I responded, self consciously running my hands down the dress I was wearing.

"Bella, this is my cousin Alice. She goes to school here in Port Angeles. Alice, this is Bella, we go to high school together."

"Hi, nice to meet you," Alice smiled brightly as she strolled over to an empty changing room and unloaded the dresses in her arms. "You must be shopping for the same dance Angela and I are shopping for. I'm going with her as her date. Isn't that funny?" she laughed.

Then she turned to me and put her hand on her hip. "Oh honey. That dress is doing _nothing_ for you. The theme's fire and ice, did you know? Red or white is preferable I think." Actually, I didn't know about the theme. Before I could say anything she was ruffling through her own pile of dresses and thrusting one at me. "Try this one on, I took it off the rack, though I sort of suspected it would be too big in the bust area. It would probably be perfect for you though."

I was a bit stunned. I had sort of gotten used to being ignored, and now it felt like people were descending on me from all directions. First Edward, then Ben, and now this new girl, Alice. I couldn't say that I wasn't grateful for Alice and Angela's help though. It would have been embarrassing to show up wearing dark green if everyone else was wearing red or white.

"Uh, okay, thanks." I said and took the dress.

It was a bright red and as I zipped it up, I felt that it was very tight in the chest region. I tried to assess myself before stepping out of the dressing room. The dress stopped at my knees and though the breasts were tight, from there down it was loose and flowy. The neckline was cut low enough to expose a good portion of the tops of my breasts, and thin spaghetti straps held it up.

When I stepped out of the dressing room, Angela and Alice were already looking at themselves in the mirror. Both girls, I thought, looked amazing. Their thin figures would probably look good in just about anything, though.

Alice turned to me when I walked out, "I knew it. You look gorgeous," she said smugly. "This one isn't for me," she disappeared back in the curtained fitting room.

"You do look really pretty, Bella."

I stopped and glanced at myself in the mirror. I was kind of stunned. The dress _did_ look good. I spun around a little, glancing at the back.

"So, I heard you were going to the dance with Ben Cheney," Angela asked after a moment.

I blushed. "Oh, yeah."

She paused for only half a second then said,"Good for you," she smiled, though it was seemed kind of strained, and went back into her dressing room. I wasn't really sure what to make of the strained smile. Was Angela being condescending somehow? Was she subtly mocking the fact that a shy unpopular person had actually found another shy unpopular person to go to the dance with? I quickly chastised myself for my thoughts. Angela was a really nice person.

By the time Alice came out with in a dark, skin tight red dress, I was convinced that anything other than a kind smile, I had imagined.

"Angela and I were having a girl's day out," Alice spoke to me as she inspected her reflection in the mirror. "We are probably going to get drinks after this. Do you want to join us?"

"Oh, um, okay," I said instantly, surprised by the invitation. "I'm not 21, though," I added after a moment.

"Neither is Angela, and neither am I actually, but I know a place where we can get in."

"Oh," I said, feeling nervous all of a sudden, but pleased.

"Do you have shoes to go with that dress?" Alice asked as she disappeared back into her curtains.

I had completely forgotten about shoes. "No," I confessed.

"Well, you might be able to find some here, the shoes are in the next room over," Alice said.

I hesitated for a moment, then went into the small adjoining room where shoes lined the racks on the walls. After an inspection of the shoes in my size, I pulled off a pair of black flats and slipped them on.

I walked back to the changing area.

"That one looks good," Alice was telling Angela, and it did. She looked like a fairy princess in a flowy white gown with delicate, understated beading around the top of it.

Alice turned to me and shook her head. "Let me help you find some shoes," she said and walked over into the next room. For such a small girl, she really was a force of nature. I followed obediently.

"What size are you?" she asked as glancing over the shoe selection.

"Seven."

In about two seconds, she grabbed a pair of red heals, holding them out to me.

"Um, I don't think so," I said adamantly. The heals must have been three inches high.

"Why not? They're cute!" she said.

"I wouldn't be able to walk in those!"

Alice rolled her eyes. "Will you try them on at least?" she asked.

I sighed and slipped on the shoes, wobbling before I even took a step.

Alice stepped back and hmmmed to herself. "No, you're right. They don't exactly work."

Gratefully I took them off and re-shelved them. "You're more of a casual kind of girl, aren't you?" she asked me.

"Yeah," I said, relieved that she had noticed. Perhaps she could help me find something more to my taste.

Alice pulled out a shorter pair of heals, relatively plain and black. "Well, you have to start somewhere," she said as she handed them to me.

Feeling sort of like a barbie doll, I slipped them on. They were a little easier to stand in than the other ones. I took a hesitant step.

Alice once again stepped back and stared. "Yes, those are definitely acceptable," she nodded and walked into the next room. I followed her in, trying to walk in the shoes. I was definitely a little wobbly. I glanced at my complete outfit in the mirror, barely recognizing myself. The high heels elongated my legs, and I didn't think they looked half bad. I could barely believe it, but I thought I actually looked sort of pretty.

As I took off the dress in the fitting room my stomach dropped at the price tag. It was $65. I had never spent that much money on a single piece of clothing. And when would I ever where it again? The shoes were $20.

When I came back out from behind the curtain, Angela was redressed in the clothes she came in in. Alice was wearing the dark red dress she had on earlier and large heals. "I'm going to wear this one out, and this one to the dance," she giggled as she held another red dress.

"Bella, no offense, but in that outfit and with no makeup, you look sixteen," Alice said when she saw me.

"I am sixteen."

Alice sighed. "I know. And I can get you in this bar without getting carded, but we have to put in a little effort, you know?"

"Let's go pick out an outfit for you really quick, yeah?" Alice said, seeming really quite excited at the prospect. It made me think she was thinking of me as her dress up doll as well.

On the one hand I was tempted to say forget the whole thing and just drive home by myself. But that would mean more alone time pining over the fact that I hadn't spoken to Edward in three weeks. Ant it was odd, but I sort of felt comfortable around Alice, even though we had just met. I kind of wanted to spend more time with Angela and her cousin. I also felt flattered that they were accepting me, drawing me into their circle.

"Okay," I agreed.

I followed Alice into the next room and she started furiously going through racks of clothes.

"So, tell me about the boy you're going to the dance with?" Alice chatted to me as she flipped through clothes. Angela was flipping through some clothes opposite her, though much less furiously. I just stood there waiting.

"Um. His name's Ben Cheney. He's really sweet," was all I could think to say. I saw Alice snap her eyes up to meet Angela's when I said his name, and they shared a glance before Angela look away. I wondered what that was all about.

"Oh," Alice said, "So, do you like him?" the question sounded oddly forced, but I couldn't really tell in what way.

"Oh, I guess so."

"Here," Alice said, thrusting a black dress at me. It looked _way _too tiny and _way_ to tight.

I hesitated. "I'm not sure this one will fit."

Alice made and impatient noise. "_Trust_ me. If there's one thing I know, it's fashion." She pushed the dress into my arms. "Go put this on and we'll meet you out front."

I went to the dressing room and slipped the dress on. It was tight, and low cut, showing way more of my body than I was really comfortable with. I tugged at the hem of the dress as I came out of the dressing room. I glanced at myself in the mirror. Was I really going to do this? Go to a bar with these girls? It seemed so surreal.

I took that opportunity to call my mom. "Hey mom," I said when she answered the phone. "I actually ran into a friend at the dress shop and we were going to hang out for a while before I drove back, maybe get some ice cream or something, if that's okay?" I asked.

"Sure, sweetheart. What friend is that? Do I know her?"

"Um, I don't think so. Her name's Angela, we're in the same grade."

"Okay. Well, have a good time. Call if you're going to be too late. Did you find a dress?"

"Yes, and shoes too." I decided not to tell her the price yet.

"I'm so glad. Have a good time sweetheart. Can't wait to see what you picked out!"

"Okay bye" I said.

"Bye. Love you."

"Love you too."

I hung up the phone and checked out my reflection in the mirror one more time. Well, here goes nothing, I thought. I met Angela and Alice up front, both girls had already checked out. The saleslady cut off the tag of the dress I was wearing and ran it up with the rest of my purchases.

The total came to $105. I cringed on the inside as I handed mom's card over.

After we rung up, Alice ushered us over to the bathroom, insisting on doing my makeup for me.

I was surprised by the shear amount of makeup Alice carried around in her purse with her. Angela reapplied her own mascara and lipgloss as Alice went to work on me.

"Wow Bella, you have a really great complexion," Alice said, "You don't even need any foundation." She went to work on my eyes, applying eyeshadow and eyeliner and loads of mascara. She swiped on some blush.

I had to say, I was kind of impressed by the results. It seemed that Alice could do wonders with makeup, I actually looked half decent . . . and I did look older.

I followed the cousins out of the shop in the heels I had just bought, and that Alice insisted that I wear.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

**Drunk**

**-or-**

**How I got into a bar at sixteen**

Alice drove us to the bar, though it was really just down the street. "Okay ladies, a shot before we go in," she said, pulling a flask out of her glove compartment and took a sip out of it before handing it to Angela, who did the same.

Angela handed it to me, and I felt the warm taste of alcohol slide down my throat. I've had tastes of wine and cocktails, but I've never really drunk before. I was nervous but giddy at the same time. We passed the flask around one more time before Alice said "woo" and jumped out of the car.

I followed, just a little wobbly on my heels. It felt strange walking in them, and I wondered if it looked like I was walking funny. As promised, Alice said "hi" to the bouncer like she knew him and he let us with no problem.

"I had never been to a bar before. There were tables scattered around and the music was playing loudly. People were scattered, talking and drinking. Most of them looked to be about college age. A group of flashy girls laughed loudly in the corner. I saw some guys in their mid twenties check us out as we walked in. Alice led us over to the bar.

"First rounds on me. What does everyone want?" Alice asked. I really had no idea. "How about three Long Island Iced Teas?" Alice asked. Angela and I nodded our consent.

Alice confidently went up to the bar and placed our order. "Is she always like that?" I asked Angela who laughed and answered, "Pretty much."

Alice brought us our drinks and we sort of settled in around a table. I thought it tasted pretty good and I sipped happily. At first I was a little shy and wary, but by the end of my drink, I was feeling a little looser.

"Hello." I looked up to see two guys standing in front of us.

"Hello," this came from Alice.

"I couldn't help but notice you're drinks are almost gone. Can I buy you all another?" The two guys weren't bad looking, no where near Edward Cullen status, but tall and well groomed.

"That would be divine," Alice said flirtily, "We'll take three more Long Islands." The guy went off to bar.

The other one spoke now. "I'm Drake and that was Justin."

"Alice," Alice said, holding her hand against her chest, "And this is Angela and Bella."

"So, what do you girls do?"

"We're students" Alice said, naming the local college she went to.

"Oh nice, nice, and what do you study?"

His friend came back with our drinks and passed them around. I took a long sip. "I do fashion merchandising," Alice said, I'm sure truthfully.

"Biology," Angela said the lie easily.

The boys turned to me. "English," I said the first thing that popped in my head, taking another long drink.

The boys laughed and talked. Alice mostly kept up the conversation with them, though Angela and I would pipe in occasionally.

My brain was starting to feel like it was floating a little bit when one of the boys turned to me. "I've been thinking this for the last hour, and now I have to say, you look really pretty tonight."

I'm not sure if I blushed or not, but I did giggle nervously. "Thank you."

"Can I get you another?" He asked, looking down at my drink, which to my surprise was empty, I hadn't even realized.

"Sure," I said happily. I was very flattered by the attention, as he went off to the bar. I wasn't sure if he was Justin or Drake.

He brought me another drink and now I was laughing and smiling freely, talking much more than I normally do. I didn't even question it when a shot was put in front of me suddenly. I did a cheers with our group and drank it down, cringing slightly at the taste, taking another sip of my drink.

At that point I kind of lost track of exactly what happened. I remember laughing a lot, and swaying to the music.

At one point, the guy who I had been talking to pulled me against his body, and I let him. "Can I kiss you?" he said close to my ear.

I nodded. I didn't even think about it. All I knew wast that I had only kissed one boy in my life and it was spectacular and I was curious if it would be the same with someone else. I don't even remember what the brief kiss felt like before I was tugged away suddenly.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

**Unexpected Places**

**Edward's Point of View**

I sat down at the bar and ordered a beer. I had asked Jasper if he wanted to come out with me tonight, but he'd declined for some unspecified reason. I didn't even really feel like going out, and was settled to hang out in my room, when I started to feel antsy.

I'd scanned some porn on the internet, refusing to think about Bella, but I found myself unconsciously looking for small brunettes with sweet faces. After I'd jerked off to a pretty girl with pert tits getting rammed from behind, I felt sort of, I don't know . . . weird I guess.

I thought about the girl in the video. What happened in her life that she found herself doing porn? She looked young, and sweet. Was she doing this because she _wanted_ to or because she _had_ to? Did she at one time blush like Bella does . . .

Fuck.

I had never thought like that before.

After that I decided to head out to the bar. I had the notion that I would try and find some easy girl to hook up with. Someone who had no delusions of relationships. Someone who also just wanted a fuck.

"Are you going out, Edward?" Esme asked me from the living room as I passed her toward the front door.

"Yeah."

"Where are you going?" she tried to say casually, though I could tell she really wanted to know.

"Just going to hang out. I'll be back later tonight. Maybe late."

"Okay. Be careful."

"I will."

I headed toward the front door. Sometimes I knew it was killing Esme that she couldn't mother me more, per our agreement when I moved in. Esme was cool, though, and followed our bargain, even if she didn't particularly like it.

I drove up to Port Angeles, which held more faces, more anonymity, than either of the two bars in Forks. I was heading toward Elemental. The bar checked i.d.'s, but I never had problems getting in anywhere with my fake one. The bar was on the slightly more sophisticated side, the drinks more expensive, and therefore catered to a slightly older crowd.

There was almost usually some desperate pushing-thirty-year-old around who was all too eager to hook up with a younger guy who flattered her, and with whom a relationship would be undesirable. That's where I was heading tonight, but for some reason, as I passed Brick Alley, I found myself pulling in.

Brick Alley definitely held a younger, rowdier crowd, mostly college kids. The drinks were cheaper, and they notoriously didn't card, especially pretty girls. Sometimes there were girls around looking to hook up, but these girls sometimes came with more complications or expectations than I was willing to deal with.

So there I found myself sitting at the bar. I scanned the crowd. There were plenty of girls dressed in skimpy outfits who I knew I could charm, but instead I just sipped my beer. Not to sound conceited or anything, but I knew I was good with women. I never had problems getting dates or hooking up.

I chatted with the bar tender for a little bit, but mostly just kept to myself. I ordered a second beer and just people watched for a while.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a flash of shiny brown hair that reminded me of Bella. I turned to look at the girl. She was wearing a small, black dress that showed off her curves nicely. She turned for just a second and I caught a glimpse of her profile. Damn, she looked like Bella, but she turned around before I could get a closer look. I admired her shapely backside and long legs.

She was talking to some guy, flirting and laughing. I knew it couldn't be Bella, but I kept watching her anyway. For half a second I imagined Bella all shy and mousy at school, but on weekends dressing like a sex bomb and hooking up with guys at bars, like some secret life. But no, that was unreasonable, she had been a virgin . . .

My stomach clenched at the thought just as she turned around and I got a better view of her face.

Bella.

What was she doing here? Did she come here often? I had never seen her here before. I took a closer look at the guy she was talking to. Did she know him or had she just met him here? He was older, probably in his mid twenties.

Bella was only sixteen.

I realized that I had unconsciously stood up and taken a step toward them. Suddenly the strange guy was bending down to kiss her, and I stormed over to them, jerking her away.

I acted on complete instinct, rather than rational behavior.

The guy said something angrily to me as I held Bella away from him and told him to back off.

Bella looked wide eyed up at me. "Edward?" she questioned, then she wrapped her arms around my waist. It felt good. I realized that I hadn't thought about Bella's reaction when I stormed over there. It was completely plausible and reasonable that she would have just told me to fuck off, but she hadn't.

"Who do you think you are?" he demanded, obviously angry that I came over and took the girl he had been chatting up for who knew how long that night.

Who _was_ I? It was a good question. I wasn't her boyfriend. I didn't want to be her boyfriend, so I guess I really didn't have any right to claim her.

"It doesn't matter who the fuck I am. She's with me," I eventually said. It sounded right, at least for tonight. She was with me.

"Do you know this guy?" the stranger asked Bella.

"This is Edward," she said over her shoulder, like she was making an introduction, apparently oblivious to the tension.

"Whatever," the guy said and backed off, mumbling something about 'kinky freaks.' I don't know what he thought was going on, but I didn't really care either.

I looked down at Bella. I had admired her body in that dress and those heels before I had known it was _her_, but now that I knew who it was, my dick hardened. Sweet little Bella, all dressed up.

But what was she doing here? With my gut clenching, I wondered if she had come here to attract some guy. It certainly made sense with the dress she was wearing, her makeup.

"What the fuck were you doing with that guy?" I asked, a little more angry than I had intended.

She shrugged noncommittally.

"Are you drunk?" I asked, even though I already knew the answer.

Bella kind of giggled and nodded. I was suddenly overcome with such a relief that I had decided to come here tonight. What would have happened if I hadn't pulled her away from that guy who was hitting on her? Would she have gone home with him? She was certainly in no position to be making decisions, and that fucker didn't seem to have any qualms about taking advantage of her lowered inhibitions.

She hadn't come by herself, had she?

"Bella, are you here with someone?" I asked her. Instead of answering me, she wrapped her arms around my neck.

"Edward. You're so beautiful," she said suddenly. I was surprised by her choice of words, and despite myself, I was kind of charmed. I also realized the extent to which she was drunk.

Bella squeezed me and kissed my neck. I guess she got kind of clingy when she was drunk. Normally this would have bugged the shit out of me, but with her, I didn't really mind. I was glad she was hanging all over me and not some other fucker.

"Bella, I'm going to take you home. Who did you come here with?"

Bella only giggled. "Kiss me," she demanded.

My dick really liked that idea, but she was drunk.

"Why do you ignore me Edward?" Bella suddenly asked, slurring her words, talking louder than perhaps she should. "I told you I was sorry for crying. I'm not going to do it again. I promise I won't."

I had absolutely no idea what to say to that. What the fuck do you say to that?

"Bella. . ."

"I missed you."

"Listen, you're drunk. I'm going to take you home, okay? Who did you come here with?" I asked. I figured the best thing to do was get her safely home. Whoever she had come here with, they obviously weren't doing a very good job of looking after her, leaving her alone with some random college guy.

"I don't want to go home. I want you to fuck me."

Oh fuck. . .


	12. Chapter 12

**Anxiety**

**-or-**

**I Wish I Could Read Edward's Mind, Or At Least Remember What Happened Last Night**

"Bella, I'm going to take you home now," Edward said, leading me toward the entrance of the bar.

"But what about Angela and Alice?" I questioned. I was starting to feel tired and a little bit queasy.

"Angela and Alice?" Edward asked.

I don't really remember responding to the question. I'm not sure how much time passed, and I was starting to lean a little more heavily on Edward's arm when Angela flung her arms around my neck suddenly.

"Bella! There you are!" she said excitedly. "We've been looking for you. We were going to leave. Alice got a cab but we have to stay at her place . . . Edward?" Angela seemed to notice him for the first time.

Edward and Angela greeted each other and chatted for a few minutes, but I'm not sure what they talked about.

Alice said something to me that I don't remember, but I giggled hysterically at it.

In my drunk state, I didn't even think about Edward's absence for the past three weeks. All I could think about was how happy I was that he was there with me now.

"Where are we going?" I asked.

"I'm taking you home."

"What about Angela?"

"She's getting a cab," Edward said patiently.

I remember slipping a lot on my heels as Edward led me to his car. His arm around my waist was the only thing holding me up.

As soon as I sat in Edward's car, I was overcome with a sudden sick feeling. Before he could even walk around to the other side, I opened the door and puked out over the parking lot. My head was spinning as I sat back in the seat but then had to suddenly puke again.

Edward came back and handed me a bottle of water and I took a tiny sip.

"Can you drink a little more?" he asked. I really didn't want to, but I did and recapped it.

"How are you feeling?" Edward asked as I rested my head back against the seat and moaned.

"Not so good," I answered honestly.

He chuckled softly and I felt him stroke my hair out of my face. "Okay, stupid question. How bout this? If I drive you home now, are you going to puke in my car?"

I shook my head.

"You sure?"

I shook my head and he chuckled again. He stayed like that for a minute, sort of squatting in the open car door as he stroked my hair

He withdrew his hand and started to stand up but I grabbed his wrist. "No, that feels good," I said.

Edward stood in the open door as and I rested my head against his belly and he continued to stroke my hair and neck. He eventually pushed me back into the car and I fell asleep then.

The next thing I remember is the car stopping and we were outside my house.

"Are you going to be okay?" he asked. I knew that it must be late. I wondered if my parents were still awake. I hoped not. I knew they would be upset that I was getting home so late and hadn't called. I didn't think I could deal with it tonight.

"Yeah."

"Okay then."

I stumbled out of the car and up to my house, the front door still unlocked. I didn't run into my parents and I went upstairs and passed out in my bed.

The next morning I woke up and my stomach felt queazy and my head was pounding. I splashed some water on my face. My mouth tasted disgusting so I quickly brushed my teeth. I made my way downstairs. I poured myself some cereal and puttered back up to my room with it, eating about half before drawing my curtains against the offensive sun and curling back up in bed.

I woke up again around noon, feeling slightly better.

I couldn't even bring myself to think about what happened last night with Edward. I felt like such and idiot, and the worst part was that I couldn't remember it all.

When I came downstairs, mom was in the kitchen and dad was outside working in the yard.

Mom turned to me and I knew I was in for it. She crossed her arms and waited.

"I heard you come in after 1:30 yesterday, Isabella Swan. I was worried sick. I tried calling you three times! No answer."

"I'm sorry, mom," I said meekly.

"Where were you? I had no idea!"

"I'm sorry. I was with Angela and her cousin and it got later than I realized."

"Where is my car?"

I felt extremely guilty.

"It's still in the parking lot in Port Angeles."

"Bella, were you drinking last night?"

I didn't answer directly, but she must have known I was by the look on her face.

Mom shook her head. "Well, I guess I can be grateful that you didn't drink and drive. You got a ride home with someone sober?" The question came out fiercely, like it had just occurred to her.

I nodded emphatically.

Mom sighed. "Come sit down."

We both took seats at the kitchen table.

"Your father wanted to ground you from the dance tonight, did you know that? He was very worried about you last night. I convinced him to let you go, but with reservations of my own." I didn't know what to say, so I just sat quietly, listening.

"I remember being your age once, you know. I'm glad your going out and trying new things, but you have to be safe, Bella. And you have to let us know what you're doing."

I nodded my agreement. "You're father and I have decided to let you go to the dance tonight, but you have to be home by eleven. Agreed?"

I nodded again.

Overall, it could have turned out much worse than it was. Mom drove me down to get her car, and it seemed like my parents decided to let the whole situation drop.


	13. Chapter 13

**Expectation**

**-or-**

**When Will This Dance Happen Already?**

On the drive to pick up mom's car, she got more information out of me about last night. I eventually spilled most of the story, about Angela's older cousin Alice. I also conveniently let mom believe that it was Alice who drove me home, leaving Edward out of the events of the night all together.

Once home, I mostly just puttered around the house, watching some T.V, doing some homework. The closer the time came for the dance, the more nervous I felt. I tried on my new dress and heels again. As I looked in the mirror, my apprehension doubled. The dress did look good, but I felt suddenly nervous about wearing something like it to a school event. If I was being honest, I was kind of afraid Jessica and the other girls would make fun of me for trying to look pretty when I wasn't. I changed back into sweats and tried to take my mind of the dance, for now.

"Bella!" Mom called up to me, "Someone's here to see you!" For a split second I thought it might be Edward, coming to check up on me.

I scrambled down the stairs to see Angela standing nervously in our doorway.

"Hey Angela," I greeted her kindly. Angela was giving me this look of guilt, but I wasn't mad at her or anything.

"Hey, can I talk to you for a second?" she questioned.

"Sure, of course," I stepped outside onto our front porch and closed the door behind me.

"I just wanted to make sure you were alright, and I didn't have your phone number."

Angela was really sweet, and I guess now that I thought about it, it didn't surprise me that she would come check on me.

"Yeah, everything's cool. Thanks for stopping by."

"So you make it home okay?" she asked, "Edward dropped you off without a problem?"

I think I might have blushed, but I quickly nodded. "Yeah, I sort of fell asleep but I got home fine. How are you?"

Angela shrugged, "Fine. I was a little hungover this morning, but mostly good."

"How is Alice?"

Angela laughed a little, "She's fine. She has insurmountable amounts of energy."

I chuckled too.

"So you're really okay about going home with Edward? This morning I felt so bad about just letting you go off like that last night. I shouldn't have done that." Angela was so sweet. It's not even like we were close friends, but she still thought it was her responsibility to take care of me.

"Angela, really, it's fine. Edward was nice. He just dropped me off at home, no problem."

"I didn't realize you guys knew each other." I could hear the question in Angela's voice, and I suddenly wondered how much of what was going on between Edward and I Angela overheard last night. I remember hanging all over him.

I tried to play it cool and just shrugged. "I just know him from around school. We bump into each other sometimes, just casually."

I was sure my face was on fire, but Angela didn't say anything about it. "So, I just wanted to make sure you were okay. I'll see you at the dance tonight?"

"Yeah, sure," I smiled, "See you there."

Angela walked back off my porch. I didn't see a car around so I guess she must have walked here. I went back inside feeling a little bit better. It was nice to have a casual chat with someone who I could consider an almost-friend. I wasn't sure if a friendship could grow from this, but I wasn't ruling it out either.

When it finally came time to get ready for the dance, I slipped on my dress and shoes. I put a little bit of eyeliner and mascara on, which was more makeup than I usually wore. I didn't look as good or grown up as when Alice did it, but it wasn't bad. I combed my hair and considered putting it up, but eventually just let it down.

In my nervousness I got ready a bit too early, so ended up just sitting on my couch, waiting.

When Ben showed up at 8:00 on the dot, he was in a suit and tie and had flowers in his hand.

I answered the door.

"Thank you," I said, taking the bouquet from him.

"Wow Bella, you look . . . just wow," Ben said, in a way that made me really think he meant it. I smelled the flowers to hide my blush.

"Come in, I'll just put these in water and then we can go." I went to the kitchen and listened to mom introduce her and dad to my date.

"Bella has to be home by 11:00," my dad barked to Ben. I hadn't really seen dad for most of the day, but I could tell he was a little bit more peeved about my drinking last night than mom was.

Ben nodded dutifully. "Okay. I'll make sure that she is."

"And no drinking," my dad looked pointedly at me when he said it. I nodded sheepishly.

"No, sir," Ben rushed to say.

"And have a good time," mom added, "Now one quick picture before you go," she demanded holding up her camera. I groaned a little and rolled my eyes at Ben who only smiled. Mom was a very fast picture taker and she snapped one just as Ben put his arm around my waist, before I was even sure if I was smiling.

Dad kissed the top of my head as I headed out the door behind Ben. "Have a good time, Bells, be safe."

"I will," I promised.


	14. Chapter 14

**Dance, Spin, Trip**

**-or-**

**The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly at my First Dance**

"Your parents seem nice," Ben said as he opened his car door for me. I inspected his car as I waited for him to get in the driver's seat. His car was probably ten years old, clean but no where near as flashy as the brand new, sleek interior of Edward's volvo.

I liked Ben's car, though. It was comfortable, like the kind of car a high school kid should have.

"They're great," I agreed. After all, I hadn't really gotten in trouble for my foray into underage drinking the night before.

"I have to say I was a little bit nervous to meet the police chief. He wasn't as hard on me as I expected, though."

I laughed a little. I had never been on a date before, so I wasn't really sure what to expect from my dad. Overall, he wasn't so bad. I wonder if mom had coached him not to embarrass me.

Being with Ben was nice, and conversation flowed easily. I complimented him on his appearance in a suit and tie and he blushed a little and stuttered a thank-you, which made me giggle.

The ride in the car with Ben calmed me a little and I was having fun chatting with him, but once we got to the dance, my heart was beating a mile a minute. I don't know if he could sense my nerves, but after he gave our tickets, he put his hand on my back and smiled reassuringly at me.

The dance was in the gym. There were twinkle lights and crepe paper decorating the walls. Tables were set up with red and white table clothes around the edges of the gym and fire/ice themed center pieces. There was a d.j. in the corner playing music. The dance floor was mostly empty, though, only few girls were dancing close together in one corner of it.

Overall the decorations had a nice effect, probably due mostly to the dim lighting. I was still excited, though - my first dance.

"You want to get some punch?" Ben asked me and I nodded my ascent.

We headed over to the punch table and a freshman girl handed us plastic cups. There were some cookies laid out as well, but I didn't take any.

Ben seemed pretty relaxed, but I was stiff as a board. I could tell that I was, but I couldn't seem to get myself to calm down. Ben stuck close to me, like he knew I was nervous and was trying to calm me down.

"Hey, I see Kim and Jared. You wanna go say 'hi?'" he asked, nodding in a direction of a table in the back of the gym. I smiled and nodded.

Kim was wearing an artsy looking red and white dress and Jared had on a white suit jacket. "Bella, you look beautiful!" she gushed when she saw me.

"Thank you, so do you," I said. Kim hugged me in greeting, and I was grateful. It made me feel a little less out of place.

Ben surprised me by helping me out of my jacket and placing it on the chair next to Kim's. I also laid my purse down on the table and we chatted for a while.

"Come on, honey, let's dance," Kim said suddenly, grabbing Jared's hand and dragging him to the dance floor. Checking, I could see that it was a lot more crowded now.

"Do you want to dance?" Ben asked me.

I shook my head, "I can't dance," I insisted.

"I'll show you if you want," Ben said, "All you have to do is move your feet a little and shake your hips. Most people can't really dance either. See?" He said, nodding to the dance floor.

I inspected the moves people were throwing down to see if I could do them. Some girls were really dancing well, in sync to the music. I spotted Alice on the dance floor, and she looked like she knew what she was doing. There was no way I could do that. But a lot of other people were doing exactly what Ben said. Kim was dancing really goofy and laughing hysterically while Jared was smiling at her and barely moving at all.

"Maybe in a little bit," I said, still too nervous to give it a try.

"Sure," Ben said easily and started a light conversation about the theme of fire and ice. As he spoke, I glanced around the gym on the pretense of inspecting the decorations, but I was really looking to see who had come. Then my eyes met a pair of intense green ones. I found who I was looking for.

Edward was sitting on the opposite side of the gym, nearer the d.j. He was leaning back casually in his seat dressed in a white dress shirt and black jacket. Jasper and a couple other guys I knew Edward sometimes hung out with were sitting around the same table with their dates. Though Edward was included in the group, he seemed to instinctively distance himself. He wasn't talking to anyone. He just sat their staring at me.

I held his gaze for a moment, my heart beating erratically. The way he looked at me, it was like he _knew_ he held such a power over me. I felt a twinge in my panties.

Edward grinned lazily and winked at me, and I turned away forcefully.

He didn't care.

I hadn't really realized it before, but part of the reason I had agreed to go to the dance with Ben was that I had hoped to make Edward jealous. I liked Ben, and was flattered that he asked me, and I knew I would have a good time with him, but there was another motivation there, deep down. I wanted to make Edward jealous.

I wanted to somehow prove to Edward that I didn't need him. If I could show him that I was desirable, that other boys were interested in me, then maybe he would want to work harder to keep me. Or maybe he would even think that I was good enough to date.

But that's not what that wink said. There was no jealousy in that grin, that lascivious wink. It said, "Date who you want, fuck-buddy. We'll have our fun later."

I don't know if Ben noticed the turmoil I was feeling, but I think he noticed that I was no longer listening to him. I think he assumed I was watching the dance floor because he asked, "You think you're ready to give it a try?"

My eyes flashed to his, confused as to what he was talking about for a second.

"Oh, yeah, okay," I agreed hurriedly, still flustered.

Ben held my hand as he led me to the dance floor.

Kim and Jared immediately came up and started dancing with us, which was nice because I didn't feel like I was such the center of attention. They also blocked my line of sight from Edward, and I hoped he was no longer watching me and wouldn't see me make a fool out of myself on the dance floor. I knew I wasn't a good dancer, but I watched Kim, who was so confident, and mostly tried to copy her moves.

After a while, I gotta say I was starting to have fun. Ben grabbed my hand and spun me around, making me laugh. I started to not care that I wasn't in time with the music.

"Bella!" Alice said suddenly, dancing up behind me and giving me a hug.

"Hi!" I greeted, hugging her back and laughing. She joined our group and easily started dancing with us. Somehow we had made it closer to the d.j. so the music was loud, and there were people all around us.

A slow song started to play then. Alice disappeared and Kim and Jared wrapped their arms around each other. Ben put his hands on my waist and met my eyes, silently questioning if I wanted to dance this song. I put my hands on his shoulders and we swayed easily to the music.

After all that dancing without any major calamities, I suddenly trip over my feet while barely moving. My knees sort of twisted and buckled. Ben managed to catch me before I landed completely on floor, but I was still a mess of arms and legs before he managed to pull me back onto my feet.

"You okay?" he asked, pulling me back into his arms. Though I was terribly embarrassed, I nodded quickly.

He chuckled lightly, dismissing it, "Come on," he said, putting his hands back on my waist and pulling me in closer to him. "Don't worry, no one saw," he said quietly in my ear and continued to sway us to the music.

But someone had seen. Over Ben's shoulder, I saw Jessica and Lauren and a couple other popular girls staring at me, not even trying to hide the fact that they were laughing at me. When I met their eyes, they turned away into a little huddle and giggled more. I realized that over the course of the night, I had forgotten to be self-conscious, but now it was back.

I sort of put my head in Ben's shoulder to hide my face from embarrassment. He held me a little tighter and we continued to sway. Ben was so nice and respectful and smart, and it certainly seemed like he liked me. Why did I waste my time thinking about Edward? I could make something work with Ben. I was more comfortable with him anyway, I felt more equal.

After the song was over, I asked Ben if he wanted to take a break and he nodded. We walked back over to where our jackets were. "I'm going to run to the restroom," I told him, and he nodded and took a seat.


	15. Chapter 15

**Flushed**

**-or-**

**Too Much Heat at the Fire and Ice Dance**

I exited the gym doors, my shoes clicked conspicuously loud, at least to my ears, in the deserted hallway.

I don't know why I did it, I guess just to be alone for a bit longer, but I walked right past the nearest girls bathroom and rushed up the dark staircase. The hallway was empty and dark. Being alone soothed me and I felt some of the anxiety that I had been unwittingly nurturing since first walking into that crowded gym leave my body.

I slipped into the girls bathroom. It was smaller than the one on the main floor with only two stalls. I flicked the light switch by the door and stared at my reflection in the mirror. I didn't want to go back down to the party.

A few minutes later the bathroom door suddenly opened and I jumped out of my skin as though I had just been caught doing something illegal. Edward grinned at me and the door shut behind him.

"This is the girls bathroom," I said stupidly.

He laughed and before I could react he was picking me up and kissing me with a desperation that bespoke more of star-crossed lovers with dangerous, secret trysts, than of a jerk and a loser at a high school dance. Of course I kissed him back.

I sort of melted into his body, wrapping myself around him. I was frantic to feel his large hands on me and he didn't disappoint; he cupped my butt and squeezed moaning into my mouth.

He pushed me back against the wall and we broke our kiss as he slid his hand under the hem of my dress.

"I can't."

"You in this dress, Bella," Edward growled at me. He let his hands run over my waist and down my thighs. "I've been wanting to tear it off you all night." I thought for a moment about telling how handsome he looked in his white shirt. It looked as though he had even made an effort to comb his hair, though it was still unruly.

My heart was racing and my pussy responded the way it always did when Edward used that husky, timber in his voice.

"I can't. I have to get back to my date," I said, even though I made no effort to move. Something in Edward's dark eyes grew darker at my words, and he looked at me like I was his prey.

He lifted the hem of my skirt up to my face and I was frozen. "Open," he said. I knew what he wanted me to do and I obligingly opened my mouth so he could shove the fabric in between my teeth.

He wasn't even touching me, but I willingly stood, gagged with my own dress, exposing my quivering thighs and wet panties for him. I could feel his power over me, and his eyes told me he felt it too. I was nervous that someone would come in, but I didn't want to stop it.

He touched me over my underwear, gently rubbing me. I moaned around the fabric in my mouth. I wanted more. I wanted him to push the fabric away. I wanted to feel those fingers against my clit, for them to slip inside me, but he wouldn't increase his slow, light pressure.

I moaned and begged for more with my eyes, but he wouldn't give. He grabbed my hand and put it where his had been. "Make yourself come," he whispered to me, "I want to watch."

If I had even had a second to think about it, I would have been mortified, but I was so close already that all I did was slip my hand into my underwear and rub my clit a few times and I got the release I desired.

He grabbed my hand and licked my own juices off my fingers.

He pushed me into one of the stalls with the momentum of his large figure and had me pushed down, leaning over the back of the toilet.

I desired him so much at that moment that I didn't care that we were in a bathroom stall and I forgot about the dance going on bellow us. He pulled my panties down to my knees and slid his cock in me and I moaned. I gripped the back of the toilet with straining arms and lifted onto my toes, wanting to feel him deeper.

"Bella," he moaned as he finally came. My arms felt like jello and I was thankful I didn't collapse into the toilet after my release. His arm snaked around my waist and held me up, pulling me back into his panting chest.

As I calmed down, the sickening realization that I must have been gone for over twenty minutes with no feasible excuse to make to Ben loomed on me. I pulled up my underwear and avoided eye contact with Edward as I ran out of the bathroom. He let me go.

I ran down the steps but couldn't bring myself to go back into the gym.

I needed fresh air.

When I got outside I realized with mortification that my underwear was soaked and I hadn't even taken a moment to clean myself up.

"Bella!" I heard Ben's voice call me and approach me from the far side of the building. "I've been looking for you."

I didn't know what to say. I needed a second to gather my thoughts, but it didn't look like I was going to get one.

"Are you okay?" he asked. He could probably tell there was something wrong by my expression. My mind was racing for an excuse.

"Yes, of course," I smiled, "I just needed some fresh air."

Ben looked doubtful. "Are you sure?"

I nodded, but even as I did so I started to cry. I don't know if I surprised Ben more or myself. It's not like I wasn't used to crying all the time, over everything, but I really hadn't felt the tears coming that time . . . at all.

Ben looked uncomfortable, worried, and curious. I have no idea what he thought was the cause of my babyish crying, but to his credit, he didn't ask me any questions, only quietly took my hand and led me back to his car.

He just drove me home in silence. When we pulled into my driveway he killed the engine and turned to look at me. "What happened, Bella? Are you okay? I'm trying not to freak out on you but you've got me really worried here."

"I'm okay," I smiled at his sweet concern, "I'm just being stupid."

Ben looked incredulous and then he sighed deeply.

"Was it something I did?"

"No! Ben, no. You've been so great tonight, really." This made him smile, but it quickly faded.

"Did someone else say something to you?"

"No," I shook my head. I wanted him to drop it but I couldn't come up with a plausible excuse for my long absence and crying fit. The best thing I could think of was I left to go check on my biology experiment in the science room and I broke something and got upset. But this was of course ridiculous. Not to mention those rooms were probably locked. I kept my mouth shut.

"Do you want me to drop it?" he asked.

I smiled and nodded gratefully at him. "Okay then, as long as you promise you're okay."

"I promise."

We smiled tentatively at each other, his was nervous and mine was relieved he wasn't badgering me with questions. It was just after nine-thirty. "Sorry I cut your night short," I said guiltily.

He scoffed and shook his head. "Don't even think on it," he said with genuine dismissal. His hand was resting casually on the back of my seat, his body turned toward me.

I leaned over and kissed him. I don't know why I did it. He was just so good and sweet. I wanted to let him know I appreciated him. I wanted to know what it would feel like. And, shamefully, I wanted to compare his kiss to Edward's.

The kiss was soft, and gentle, and mostly chaste. But it just didn't feel right.


End file.
